Home
browneyedgrl92
Recent Entries 

Advertisement

Customize
8th-Mar-2009 02:50 pm - fave song lyrics
I was posting song lyrics on my twitter, but there are so many lyrics that I can't it all in a twitter update so I'll post them here.

P!nk-Just Like a Pill
I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine, 'cuz its makin' me itch
I said, I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill
You keep makin' me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help

Eric Carmen - All By Myself

All by myself. I don't wanna be all by myself anymore...

Swing Swing - The All American Rejects
Swing swing from the tangles of my heart is crushed by a former love...

Sober - P!nk
I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Ahhhh-Ahhh, the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
Oh, I'm finding
That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe up high,
Nothing can touch me
Why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside
You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence..
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use?

Ahhhh-Ahhh, the night is calling
And it whispers to me softly, "come play"
I am falling
And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe up high,
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down,
Spinnin' round, spinnin' round, spinnin' round
Looking for myself,
Sober
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down,
Spinnin' round, spinnin' round, spinnin' round
Looking for myself,
Sober

When it's good, then it's good
It's all good 'till it goes bad
'Till you try to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again!
Broken down in agony
Just trying to find a friend
Ohhh

Whoahhh

I'm safe up high,
Nothing can touch me
Why do I feel this party's over?
Whoahhh
No pain inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

Whoahhh

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
Why do I feel this party's over?
Why do I feel this party's over?
Whoahhh
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
Why do I feel this party's over?

Will I ever feel this good sober?

So What - P!nk
I got a brand new attitude
And I'm gonna wear it tonight
So...
So what!
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what?
I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you
Tonight...
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So...
So what!
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

Don't Let Me Get Me - P!nk
Never win first place, I don't support the team
I can't take direction, and my socks are never
clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin'
right

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

I wanna be somebody else, yeah

LA told me, "You'll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are."
Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears
She's so pretty, that just ain't me

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe
somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe
somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Don't let me get me

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Gives You Hell - The All American Rejects

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well, hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)
When you hear this song and you sing along well you'll never tell
And you're the fool I've just as well I hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope that it puts you through hell

Mr. Brightside - The Killers
And I just can’t look - it's killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Turning through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside


When You Were Young - The Killers
You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

He doesnt look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young




24th-Oct-2008 07:23 pm - my future as of now
I have decided of as now (it may change later on) that I want to work in as teacher (preferably a spanish teacher or a preschool teacher). I want to go to U of I - Chicago, U of I - Urbana/Champaign, or Depaul University. But maybe after HS, I might want to do a few years at Morraine Valley CC. But if I get a full ride somewhere, I'm going either out of state or going straight to university. And if I don't get a full ride, I'll pay my way by getting a job or with some financial aid.  And if my life wants to head in another way, que sera sera (whatever will be, will be). That's all I have to say (for now anyway).
24th-Oct-2008 07:18 pm - my ideal the host cast
Wanda (in her new body)- Kristen Bell or Elizabeth Harnois
Melanie-Camila Belle or Miranda Kerr
Ian- Ian Somerhalder (sp?) or Drew Fuller
Jared-Jensen Ackles
Jeb-Burt Reynolds
Jamie-a young Jackson Rathbone or Logan Lerman
29th-Aug-2008 11:50 pm - my ideal twilight cast
Edward: Chace Crawford or Ed Westwick
Bella: ?
Charlie: Enrico Colantoni (sp?)
Renee: ?
Esme: Emmy Rossum or the chick from "yes, dear"
Carlisle: ?
Jasper: ?
Alice: Rachel Leigh Cook
Rosalie: Olivia Wilde or some model chick
Emmett: ?
Renesmee (in case if they do BD): Annelise Asunsulo (she would make a great Renesmee for the older years)
Jacob: from the fan vids I have seen, Steven Strait makes a good New Moon-BD Jacob
Taylor Lautner for Twilight Jacob
Billy: grandpa from Karate Kid
Jessica: ?
Angela: ?
Lauren: a younger Reagan Dale Neis
Mike: maybe Zac Efron (a bit younger)
Ben:
Tyler:
Eric:
Aro:
Caius:
Marcus:
Demetri:
Alec:
Jane:
Tanya:
Irina:
Kate: Claire Danes like how she looked like in Stardust
Carmen:
Eleazar:
29th-Aug-2008 11:47 pm - my theme song aka ringtone
If I had to choose a theme song aka ringtone for myself, it would be "Gloria" by Laura Branigan (from Flashdance) or "Pelo Suelto" by Gloria Trevi (mi tocaya!)
29th-Aug-2008 11:35 pm - A Little Bit Longer - JoBros
I love this song b/c I can so relate to it. I know that it's about Nick's fight with diabetes, but for me, it can (somewhat) also relates to my brother who has autism. Here are the lyrics and you can also hear the song below.

Got the news today
Doctor said I had to stay
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine
When I thought it'd all been done
When I thought it'd all been said
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine

But you don't know what you got
'Till it's gone
And you don't know what it's like
To feel so low
Every time you smile or laugh you glow
You don't even know
No no
You don't even know

All this time goes by
Still no reason why
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine
Waitin' on a cure
But none of them are sure
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine

But you don't know what you got
'Till it's gone
And you don't know what it's like
To feel so low
And every time you smile or laugh you glow
You don't even know
No no
You don't even know
No no

Two, three, four!

Yeah!
And you don't know what you got
'Till it's gone
And you don't know what it's like
To feel so low
And every time you smile or laugh you glow
You don't even know
No
Yeah
Woah!

[Oooohhh]

So I wait 'till kingdom come
All the highs and lows are gone
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine
I'll be
Fine

[Additional lyrics]

So I'm finally here today
You've touched me here today
And I wish that I could stay
A little bit longer
And I will be fine



14th-Aug-2008 03:54 pm - the little things that make me happy
agua fresca (tamarindo especially!)
coconut popsicles
anything chocolatey
love stories
happy energetic songs
pizza
nectarines
lemonade/lemon iced tea (I especially liked the MM lemonade iced tea but they don't stock it anymore )
hamburgers/cheeseburgers
fries
taco salads
funny movies & TV shows
movie musicals/dance movies!
telenovelas (b/c i always do commentary making fun of w/e's going on)
books you can't you put down no matter what
starbucks
smoothies
tacos
Auntie Anne's/Wetzel's pretzels
Chinese food (especially Panda Express)
shopping
Drumsticks (aka sundae nut cones)
cake (chocolate or tiramisu is good!)
Italian food

#1

39 questions you've never done before!

1. Where do you hang your towel to dry after showering?

2. What kind of mouse pad do you have?

3. Do you brush your hair with a comb or a brush?

4. In your opinion, who do you think is the hottest celebrity?

5. You have a project due tomorrow, do you use tape or glue?

6. Chicken or pork?

7. By the time you get to school, is it still dark?

8. If you had a choice to be a unicorn or mermaid which would it be?

9. What color is your underwear?

10. What time does the sun usually set?

11. What/who do you think of last before you go to sleep?

12. AC or fan?

13. Do you wear braces?

14. Can you do a hand stand?

15. If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair?

16. What level English are you in?

17. Jessica Simpson or Alba?

18. Which subject is worse, English or Math?

19. What's one thing you really want to do this very moment?

20. What movie are you embarrassed to admit you've watched

21. CD player or iPOD?

22. Would you rather spin upside down going 30 miles or drop 400 ft. into water?

23. Whats your favorite shape?

24. What do you have planned for the weekend?

25. Have you ever gone ice skating?

26. If you were put in a room with nothing except for a pencil and paper, what would you do?

27. Is it always easy finding your remote every time you want to watch TV?

28. How was your day?

29. Do you grow your nails, bite or cut them?

30. Describe your handwriting:

31. Do you consider yourself a stalker?

32. Do you bruise easily?

33. There`s nothing on TV except Barney and Japanese news what do you do?

34. Do you know more then 3 myspace codes?

35. You got a essay due, you either can type or write in pen, which will it be?

36. Do you wear jeans to relax at home?

37. Describe yourself using three words:

38. Do you use deodorant?

39. Do you like ice in your drink?

 

#2

Put the names of your friends on your top 8 in order. Answer the questions WITHOUT changing the order.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

1. How long have you know .1?

2. Why is he/she .1?

3. Would you date anyone on your top? Who?

4. What would you do if .4 and .8 went out?

5. Which . would probably be the first to bail you out of jail?

6. Are any family?

7. Which . knows you best?

8. What if .6 confessed that they loved you?

9. What if .7 had a crush on you?

10. Would you look at . 8 different if they seriously tried to get with you?

11. Which . was the last to tell you they loved you?

12. Which . was the last to call you?

13. Which . is the most annoying?

14. Which .s are male?

15. Which are female?

16. When did you last see .4?

17. When did you last laugh at .1?

18. How did you meet .8?

20. How did you meet .4?

21. Did you realize there's no number 19?

 

#3

1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?

2) Are you happy with where you are?

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where if they cheated on you and you are planning to dump them then

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?

8) Do you want children?

9) How many?

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?

13) Do you want someone you cant have?

14)Do you believe love at first sight exists?

15) Do you believe in celebrating anniverseries?

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?

17) If you could get married anywhere, where would it be?

18) Do you have feelings for someone right now?

19) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldnt?

20) Have you ever broken a heart?

21) Would you ever fight over a guy/girl?

 

#4

01.) How many times a day would you kiss me?

02.) How many times a day would you just want to hold me?

03.) Would you take me places?

04.) Would you love me?

05.) If we went out on a date would you have me pay for it?

06.) Would you take me anywhere special?

07.) If I was sick… what would you do?

09.) If one of my friends tried to get with you what would you do?

10.) Would you tell me?

11.) Would you listen to all my problems and help me solve them?

12.) Would you introduce me to your mom/dad?

13.) Would you care about what I wore when we go out?

14.) Would you go to the club with me?

15.) If your friend tried to get with me what would you do?

16.) If someone tried to fight with me in front of you what would you do?

17.) If a girl/guy tried to talk or dance with you at the club what would you do?

18.) Would you give me your myspace password?

19.) If I gave you mine would you read all my mail?

20.) If I said I loved you would you say it back?

21.) How good do I look from 1-10?

22.) How do you feel about me?

23.) Whats my best physical feature?

24.) Would we ever do freaky things in crazy places with me?

25.) Have you ever wanted to do something with me? If so then what?

26.) If u had an empty house would u call me to come over?

 

#5

You are
[] short,
[] 5'4?-5'5?
[] 5'5?-5'6?
[] 5'6?-5'7?
[] 5'8?-5'9?
[] 5'10? and up

Your confessions:
[] I'm afraid of silence
[] I am really ticklish
[] I'm afraid of the dark
[] I've collected comic books
[] I sometimes shut out others
[] I open up to others TOO easily
[] I read the newspaper
[] I love Disney movies
[] I am a sucker for gorgeous eyes
[] I am a sucker for a gorgeous smile
[] I don't kill bugs
[] I have "x"s in my screen name
[] I bake well
[] I have worn pajamas to class
[] I love Martha Stewart
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[] I love to laugh
[] I can't swallow pills
[] I bite my nails
[] I play computer games when I'm bored
[] I have gotten lost in the city
[] I have gone out in public in my pajamas
[] I have made out in an elevator
[] I have been skydiving
[] I have been bungee jumping
[] I have bitten someone
[] I have egged or T.P.ed a house/car
[] I have smashed a car
[] I have been fired

Have you ever…
[] seen a shooting star
[] joke proposed to anyone
[] gotten stitches
[] eaten Sushi
[] gotten the chicken pox
[] Ridden in a taxi
[] Been on a cruise ship
[] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[] Been on a plane by yourself
[] had surgery
[] seen a movie more than 3 times in the theater
[] been on stage
[] gotten a black eye
[] memorized all the dialogue in a movie
[] watched an entire baseball game

Do you like…
[] old movies
[] musicals
[] blasting music in your car
[] foreign foods
[] gameboy Pokemon
[] Christmas time
[] doughnuts
[] animals
[] coffee
[] tea
[] summer
[] winter

TWO'S OF EVERY KIND

Two Names You Go By:

Two things you are wearing right now:

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation:

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now:

Two favorite animals:

Two Reasons you're doing this survey:

Spell your name without vowels:

How many pairs of jeans do you own?:

What color(s) do you wear most often?

What's for dinner tonight?

Are you happy with your life right now?

[Do you own a…}

- PS2:

- XBOX:

- PSP:

- Gamecube:

- Digital Camera:

In what state or country do you want to go to school after high school?

Do you shop at stores like Aeropostale and American Eagle?

How do you make money?:

Last thing you bought?:

How's the weather?:

When did you start summer break?:

Do you own big sunglasses?:

What should you be doing right now?:

Who did you hug today?:

How many beds did you lay in yesterday?:

What color shirt are you wearing?:

Name one thing that you do everyday?

Whats the color are your bedroom walls?:

How much cash do you have on you right now?

What's your favorite sport?:

Q: When was the last time you saw your dad?

Q: What did you have for dinner last night?

Q: Look to your left, what do you see?

Q:Do you have plants in your room?:

Q:Whats your favorite starbucks drink?

Q:Recent time you were really upset?

 

#6

How Many , How Much
«-' Friends Do You Have?
«-' Years Have You Lived?
«-' Classes Do You Take?
«-' Siblings Do You Have?
«-' Pets Do You Own?
«-' Best Friends Do You Have?
«-' Things Are Near Your Computer?
«-' Times Do You Brush Your Teeth?
«-' Things Describe You?
«-' Gifts Did You Get On Your Last Birthday?
«-' Rooms Do You Have In Your House?
«-' Jewelry Do You Have?
«-' Times Do You Take A Shower A Day?
«-' Junk Food Do You Usually Eat?
«-' Times Do You Go On-Line Everyday?
«-' Clothes Do You Have?
«-' Mess Do You Make?
«-' Times Do You Exercise?
«-' People Do You Hate?
«-' Months Do You Like?
«-' Days Do You Like?
«-' Times Do You Do Chores Everyday?

or

CURRENTLY
.01 what color top are you wearing?
.02 are you wearing pants, shorts, or a skirt?
.03 what type of underwear are you wearing?
.04 wearing any rings?
.05 bracelets or necklaces?
.06 do you have earrings in?
.07 are you wearing socks?
.08 do you have shoes on?
.09 where did you get your shirt?
.10 how much did your pants cost?

GENERAL
.01 what is your stereotype/style?
.02 where do you like to shop for clothes?
.03 where do you get your shoes?
.04 from where was your favorite jewelry?
.05 do you own tight clothing?
.06 would you wear comoflauge pants?
.07 would you wear hott pink shoes?
.08 do you something hottopic?
.09 do you wear toe socks?
.10 do you shop at aeropostale?

THE OPPOSITE SEX
.01 what style/stereotype do you prefer?
.02 do you like them wearing jewelry?
.03 what about flipflops?
.04 do you like when they wear shorts?
.05 swim trunks or speedo (bikini or one piece)?
.06 boxers or breifs (undies or thongs)?
.07 is makeup a good thing?
.08 would they like to go shopping with you?
.09 would they shop at the same places as you?
.10 what color would they wear most? Would you repost this survey? =)

#7

[ NOW ]
Current mood:
Current music:
Current taste:
Current hair:
Current clothes:
Current annoyance:
Current smell:
Current thing I should be doing:
Current windows open:
Current desktop picture:
Current favorite band:
Current book:Current crush:
Current favorite celeb:
[ DO YOU.. ]
Smoke?:
Do drugs?:
Have a dream that keeps coming back?:
Remember your first love?:
Still love him/her?:
Read the newspaper?:
Have any gay or lesbian friends?:
Believe in miracles?:
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?:
Consider yourself tolerant of others?:
Consider love a mistake?:
Like the taste of alcohol?:
Have a favorite candy?:
Believe in astrology?:
Believe in magic?:
Believe in god?:
Have any pets:
Go to or plan to go to college:
Have any piercings?:
Have any tattoos?:
Hate yourself:
Have an obsession?:
Have a secret crush?:
Have a best friend?:
Wish on stars?:

[ LOVE LIFE ]
Ever been in love?:
Do you believe in love at first sight?:
Do you believe in "the one?":
Describe your ideal significant other:

[ETC]
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?:
Have you ever been intoxicated?:
Have you ever been caught "doing something?":
Are you a tease?:
Shy to make the first move?:
[ APPEARANCE ]
Hair:
Eyes:
Height:

[ LAST THING.. ]
Bought:
Ate & Drank:
Read:
Watched on TV:

[ EITHER OR.. ]
beer or cider:
drinks or shots:
cats or dogs:
single or taken:
pen or pencil:
gloves or mittens:
food or candy:
cassette or cd:
coke or pepsi:

[ WHO DO YOU WANT TO.. ]
kill:
get really wasted with:
look like:
avoid:

[ LAST PERSON YOU.. ]
saw:
talked to on the phone:
hugged:
instant messaged:
kissed:
[ HAVE YOU EVER.. ]
Drank alcohol?:
Done drugs?:
Broken the law?:
Run away from home?:
Broken a bone?:
Played Truth Or Dare?:
Kissed someone you didn't know?:
Been in a fight?:
Come close to dying?:

[ WHAT IS.. ]
Your bedroom like?:
Your favorite thing for breakfast?:
Your favorite restaurant?:
What's on your bedside table?:
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?:
What is your biggest fear?:
Spontaneous or plain?:
Do you know how to play poker?:
What do you carry with you at all times?:
How do you drive?
What do you miss most about being little?
Are you happy with your given name?
What color is your bedroom?
Have you ever been in a play?
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? Would you repost this survey? =)

 

#8

THE BEST FRIEND SURVEY


1.how long have we known each other?

2.how long have we been best friends for?

3.do we usually agree and get along mostly?

4.what do we do for fun?

5.whats the worst argument we have ever been in?

6.is there boy/girl we argued over?

7.would you stop being my best friend for a certain reason?

8.would you help me with any problem no matter how bad it was?

9.how long do you plan on being my best friend?

10.whos the one person or group that you think gets us the most annoyed?

11.do we like the same music?

12.do you wanna hang out right now?

13.do you miss me?

14.can i have your boy/girl friend?

15.if i needed to copy your homework would you let me?

16.would you help me in a fight?

17.what is your favorite thing about me?

18.what are your honest feelings about me?

19.do we have the same group of friends?

20.can you honestly say you love me no matter what?

 

#9

50 Random Questions

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?


2. Who are you in love with?


3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?


4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?


5. When is the last time you went to the mall?


6. Are you wearing socks right now?


7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?


8. When was the last time you drove out of town?


9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?


11. What are you wearing right now?


12. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?


13. Last food that you ate?


14. Where were you last week at this time?


15. You bought any clothing items in the last week?


16. When is the last time you ran?


17. What's the last sporting event you watched?


18. What is your favorite animal?

19. Your dream vacation?


20. Last person's house you were in?


21. Worst injury you've ever had?


22. Have you been in love?


23. Do you miss anyone right now?


24. Last play you saw?


25. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?


26. What are your plans for tonight?


27. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?

28. Next trip you are going to take?


29. Ever go to camp?


30. Were you an honor roll student in school?


31. What do you want to know about the future?


32. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?


33. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?


34. Where is your best friend?


35. Who is your best friend?(s)


36. Do you have a tan?


37. What are you listening to right now?


38. Do you collect anything?


39. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?


40. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?


41. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?


42. What does your last text message say?


43. Do you like hot sauce?


44. Last time you took a shower?


45. Do you need to do laundry?


46. What is your heritage?


47. Are you someone's best friend?


48. Are you rich?


49. What were you doing at 12AM last night?


50. Who was the last person to call you?

 

#10

Whose the loudest?:
Whose the quietest?:
Who makes you smile?:
Who have you known the longest?:
Who is the funniest?:
Who is the sweetest?:
Who is the most responsible?:
Who is the craziest?:
Who can you talk to about anything and everything?:
Who is always there for you?:
Whose the tallest?:

14th-Apr-2007 12:51 pm - LFMB

I'm watching that classic episode where Fernando reads Lety's diary and being the random person I am, I posted from the foro of TLF what Lety writes in her diary. Aldomenso must DIE (so must SANJAYA MALA-CARA!!!!) lol well enjoy ttyl love ya'll lots Gloria

DIARIO DE LETY

Claudico ante el amor, hoy confirmé que no puedo ser amada por nadie. Los hombres a las feas no nos dan la oportunidad de que nos conozcan. Las mujeres les entran por los ojos... Soy fea, pero afortunadamente hay alguien que no le importa. Por el contrario, me necesita. Y soy feliz, por que sé que puedo estar a su lado por mucho tiempo, así no reciba nada de él. Él es un hombre maravilloso conmigo... me lleva al club, me sube a su carro, me confiesa sus temores, como si yo no me muriera con cada uno de sus detalles. Me protege contra viento y marea... Cree en mí, y me suplica que no lo abandone. Que esté a su lado, que me necesita. El hombre que lo tiene todo en la vida, necesita de una mujer como yo y yo no sé como decirle que yo también lo necesito. Que me muero si me deja. Por eso tengo miedo. Por que él me necesita por su trabajo y yo... por amor. Él está en mí a toda hora. Estoy a su lado todo el día y hasta el anochecer en la oficina. Y cuando no estoy a su lado, creo verlo en todas partes. Estoy delirando por él.

No sé como voy a hacer a partir de mañana. Dejaré de verlo durante dos semanas. Será la primera vez que deje de verlo por tanto tiempo. No sé como soportar su ausencia. Por que creo que ya hay algo definitivo: amo a Don Fernando, y tengo miedo...
No quiero que él fracase. Me dolería. Por que también me sentiría culpable de su fracaso. Y tengo miedo. Tengo miedo de lo que pueda ser. De la empresa que me pidió que armara a escondidas de su familia, del pagaré en blanco que me firmó. Me halaga que crea en mí, que me tenga tanta confianza, pero temo por lo que él me pida que haga por Conceptos. Es un hombre definitivamente... extraño.

Él me entregó su empresa por que confía en mí como nadie en el mundo, y no quiero defraudarlo. En estos momentos soy la mujer más importante para él, más que su novia. Pero a la vez no existo como mujer.
Pasé una noche infernal encerrada en una oficina y no se acordó que yo estaba ahí. Solo existo como una empleada, no como mujer... Lo escuché decir que está esperando a la mujer de su vida. Y no se da cuenta que está ahí, a pocos metros de su escritorio, pero no tengo armas para demostrarle que soy esa mujer que él necesita, que él espera...


Hoy tuve la noche más rara y maravillosa de mi vida. Estuve con Don Fernando y lo rescaté de un infierno [el episodio de la Princesa Lilí]. Nunca en su vida había dependido tanto de mí, y lo tuve aquí en mi casa, tan cerca de este sitio en donde tantas veces lo he soñado. Nunca pensé que se me diera el milagro de compartir una noche con él, aunque fuera su peor noche.

Hoy se cumplió un sueño, el sueño más anhelado y el más lejano de toda mi vida... Se me cumplió una fantasía que yo creía que solo iba a terminar con mi muerte. ¡Don Fernando se me declaró! Me dijo que estaba obsesionado por mí. Que sentía celos de Tomás... ¡Y me besó! Sí, me besó en la boca... Yo sentí que el mundo se me iba. Pensé que era otra traición del deseo que siempre juega con mi imaginación, que siempre me hace aparecer a un Don Fernando enamorado de mí y que siempre se me esfuma, pero este Don Fernando era real. Él mismo me lo confirmó y pude cerciorarme de eso cuando acaricié su rostro...
Era el Don Fernando de carne y hueso que está a mi lado todo el día. Era el hombre severo e implacable del que me enamoré.
Fue un beso real...


No sé si estoy a las puertas del cielo o del infierno. Pero hoy, Don Fernando me confirmó que es real lo que siente por mí. Me dijo que había descubierto una belleza particular en mí. Dijo que parecía un ángel. Que le encantaba mi fragilidad. ¡Ay, Dios mío! Encontró cosas en mí que jamás soñé que un hombre descubriera en mí, y menos un hombre como él... Siento tocar el cielo con las manos. Y me regaló la luna y la noche. No fui capaz de confesar que lo amo desde hace mucho tiempo... Que todo él me seduce. Su voz, su loción, su mirada. No fui capaz de hablarle de mis sueños, donde siempre aparece él, mientras que él me habló de todo lo que yo le inspiraba. Me acepta tal como soy. Me dijo que yo le parecía bella... Aún no lo puedo creer. Lo que más temo de todo esto es volver a tener otra decepción amorosa. No la soportaría. No soportaría volver a sufrir ese infierno del despecho, del desengaño, del dolor. Dios quiera que no tenga que repetirlo con Don Fernando. Pero tengo fe de que no se repita por que sé que Don Fernando es un gran hombre. Dejo mi corazón en sus manos, por que creo en él...

No sé para dónde va todo esto. Tal vez es demasiado prematuro, pero me estoy ilusionando y eso me da miedo. Pero tampoco quiero negarme el privilegio de vivirlo, por que es lo más bello que he vivido y que soñé con vivir en toda mi vida...
Como negarse ante un hombre que cada día que pasa me demuestra cuanto me quiere. Como negarse ante un hombre que baja de su trono, con sus atuendos de príncipe, sus modales de caballero y su pulcritud a toda prueba para darse puñetazos en la calle con hombres inferiores a él... Y tan solo por defenderme... Su realidad supera mis sueños...


Esta noche fui suya. Y fue la noche más bella de mi vida. Al fin el amor me muestra una faceta hermosa. Una faceta sincera. Lejos de los desastres que me dejó la primera experiencia. Fui suya y él fue mío. Al principio tuvo dudas y estuvo renuente a estar conmigo. Me angustié. Pensé que no me deseaba. Pero me lo aclaró todo... con palabras. Me dijo por primera vez que me ama y me lo confirmó con hechos, allá en la oscuridad de esa habitación confirmé y sentí que en realidad me ama.....


Hoy hicimos el amor de nuevo y fue mucho más bello que la primera vez. Nació más de él y eso me tiene feliz. Quería demostrarme que yo era la mujer más importante, la que ama. Me demostró que estoy por encima de todas las mujeres, de las más bellas. Hoy lo sentí más cerca de mí, lo sentí más mío, fue más afectuoso, más entregado. Dios mío gracias por ponerlo en mi camino. Gracias por demostrarme a través de él que aún tengo la oportunidad en esta vida para amar y ser amada.
Gracias por devolverme la fe. Por demostrarme que en el mundo también existen hombres como Fernando Mendiola, limpios, honestos y con una capacidad para amar por encima de los prejuicios, por encima de las cosas...


La que escribe hoy este diario es un compendio de varios pedazos de lo que fue una mujer. Hoy entiendo que mi vida no es más que un ciclo donde la tragedia se me repite de una manera cada vez más cruel. Es como si no hubiera aprendido de mis dolores, de mis muertes pasadas. Ya no tengo alientos para resucitar; no vale la pena. Y no solo por que el hombre de mis sueños se me convirtió nuevamente en mi verdugo y me condenó otra vez a la soledad y el dolor. Y no es solamente por mi historia con Miguel y su apuesta y la de Don Fernando y sus engaños por mantener una empresa. Es la historia que se me repite desde que nací. Fue una infancia dura, pero aliviada por el amor de mi papá y mi mamá. Y siempre guardé la esperanza de que al crecer las cosas iban a cambiar. Pero las cosas jamás cambiaron. Seguí siendo la fea de siempre, la marginada. Las cosas nunca cambiaron, ni en la universidad, ni en el trabajo. Y menos en la vida afectiva. Hasta los hombres que parecen sacados de un sueño... ¿Con qué deseo se puede despertar? ¿Con que ánimos se puede iniciar un día, si no es para que el destino le demuestre a bofetones que cada vez que se sueña es para despertar en el infierno?
Tomás me dice que tengo a Don Fernando, a su empresa y a su familia en mis manos. Que puedo hacerlo pagar todo el dolor que me ha ocasionado. Quitarle su empresa sería una venganza justa. Quisiera huir, pero no puedo hacerlo. Tengo que enfrentar esto. Espero que mañana surja algo que me de claridad, que me de una luz sobre el rumbo que debo tomar...

No se de donde saco fuerza para rechazarlo, no se de donde saco fuerza para no caer en la tentación de estar con el a pesar del engaño, sigo cayendo a sus pies cuando me mira... cuando me habla... todavía estoy muy débil y todo me lastima, me lastima porque mientras yo me estoy... muriendo por el... el apenas si sufre por su empresa, no por mi indeferencia y mucho menos por mi ausencia. La verdad es que soy incapaz de quedarme con la empresa de Don Fernando, aunque se lo merece como dice Tomas. Es que fue... tan egoísta, tan mezquino... tan pequeño... pero va a llorar, va a llorar mas de lo que estoy llorando, y llorando por fuera y por dentro. Todo lo que estoy haciendo es para convencerlo de que le estamos quitando Conceptos, aunque no sea cierto, lo estoy convenciendo de que le voy a quitar su empresa adorada, lo único que le importa en la vida, se merece sentirse amenazado, se merece el castigo. Seguro a ella la besa con amor, sin asco como a mí. Será que alguna vez mi corazón entenderá que nunca fue y tampoco será para mi Don Fernando, no se como me equivoque, no se como me equivoque, si desde un principio yo sabia que teníamos mundos diferentes, fue tan ilógico pensar que Don Fernando se podría fijar en una mujer como yo. Por lo pronto el tendrá que seguir viviendo la pesadilla de tenerme a su lado.

No se para que le hice caso a Tomas, todo fue un desastre. Yo quería que Don Fernando me llevara a uno de esos lugares que acostumbra para presionarlo, para incomodarlo, quería que sufriera cuando la gente lo viera con una fea, que padeciera sus burlas y sus desprecios, pero no debí coquetearle en publico, no puedo arriesgarme a esos juegos porque a pesar de que me destrozo la vida... todavía lo amo... Sentirlo cerca me agita el corazón, el simple contacto con su piel, manda el mensaje a todo mi cuerpo, me manda el mensaje que me anuncia que sigue vivo dentro de mi. Estuve a punto de caer y eso no me lo perdono. Por un momento el deseo irracional y el amor, le ganaron a la dignidad. No me perdono haber caído ante sus besos y sus caricias cuando se que le provoco repugnancia, cuando se que mis besos le dan asco. A esta hora debe estar acostado junto a dona Marcia, seguro se bañó para limpiar su cuerpo del contacto conmigo, mientras yo me pierdo en la sensación de sus caricias sin poder quitármelas de la piel, yo me quedo con su olor, con su aliento, con el sabor de sus besos. Se que esta sufriendo por su empresa tanto como sufro yo por su engaño. Se cuanto le molesta Tomas, le tiene miedo porque cree que le va a quitar Conceptos y a mi me miente diciendo que son celos. Pero Don Fernando se busco todo lo que le esta pasando. No soporto la desconfianza que le tiene y que nos lanzo a esta tragedia, y menos soporto el desprecio que le tiene, como si Tomas fuera inferior a el, como si no tuviera derecho a una vida mejor. Mientras Don Fernando no me pida perdón, Tomas va a seguir siendo el fantasma que lo mortifica, tal y como el mismo lo creo, en eso no voy a ceder, pero no vuelvo a acercarme a el, hoy me di cuenta que todavía me falta demasiado para que mi piel y mi corazón lo rechacen, lo odien. Soy muy débil, tengo que mantenerlo lejos de mi para que no me inquiete, por lo menos hasta que pueda irme para siempre de su lado, solo espero que eso sea muy pronto.

Entendí que Tomas también tiene derecho a sonar, aunque sea tan pasajero como el sueno que yo viví con Don Fernando, con la diferencia que Tomas esta consciente de lo que hace, bueno, eso dice, y yo confío en su palabra, porque necesito confiar
en alguien, lo que viene en mi vida no va a ser fácil y necesito a mi aliado de siempre, ahora mas que nunca estoy segura que debo alejarme de Don Fernando, el sigue con su juego sucio y yo ya no puedo sostenerlo por mucho tiempo. Su insistencia me debilita, sus besos me dejan al borde del abismo, y ahora todo lo que me dijo, parecía tan sincero...
Parecía tan sincero, tan honesto, tan atormentado cuando me dijo que no había vuelto a hacer el amor con dona Marcia, si yo no lo conociera, si nunca los hubiera visto devorándose en la oficina, habría caído en sus brazos otra vez, solo le pido al cielo que me mantenga fuerte, siento que estoy llegando al otro lado del túnel donde podría encontrar la luz.


Hoy termino todo... terminaron las ilusiones, los besos... los sueños, pero también las pesadillas, hoy, la Leticia Padilla Solís que se enamoro de Don Fernando Mendiola, hoy esa Leticia se despidió de el, si, si, volví a caer en la tentación de sus besos, no soporte verlo tan mal, pero siempre estuve consciente de que sus promesas y sus besos solo buscaban que yo lo salvara. Caí, si, pero con consciencia, y también porque sabia que era el ultimo beso, la ultima caricia, la ultima oportunidad para cumplir con lo que me pedía mi cuerpo y mi corazón. Hubiera preferido que en la junta de mañana quedara clara la situación de Conceptos, yo quería presentar el informe real, seguir engañando a esa gente me hace sentir muy mal, pero eso ya es problema de Don Fernando, yo me voy, me voy para olvidarme de todo, de la empresa, de lo que vivimos el y yo, de su engaño... Necesito sacarlo de mis pensamientos, de mis sentimientos, me voy a donde no tenga noticias de el, ni de su boda, ya me he dicho que quisiera viajar a un lugar donde no estuviera yo, pero no, me voy a un lugar... donde no va a estar el.

Pero el cerebro jamás puede contra el corazón, por que el corazón es irracional y el mío en este caso no tiene dignidad... mi corazón no quiere aceptar la lógica de mi derrota, es como si fuera inmune a todo lo que Don Fernando me hizo...
Es un traidor que sigue latiendo cuando lo ve y el mío latió como loco cuando lo vio, con tan solo oír su voz y no sabe distinguir a otro traidor cuando lo tiene en frente...


A esta hora, todos los detalles y recuerdos reposan en el sitio que para él hoy deben reposar.
Igual yo debo seguir adelante en mi empeño de sepultar mi historia y le voy a dar la sepultura que se merece... muchos metros bajo tierra, sin una tumba, sin epitafios, ni nombres, para que nadie la conozca, para que desaparezca de las entrañas y yo no tenga la oportunidad de ponerle flores, ni de ir a llorarla...


Doña Marcia me dio a entender que las dos habíamos perdido algo, pero en realidad yo siento que más perdió ella que yo.
Él estuvo tan extrañamente cercano a mí, con su voz de aliento, con su aplauso, con su motivación, reconociendo mis meritos, en algún momento me confundí, llegué a pensar que él sentía algo por mí, pero espero no equivocarme. Ese hombre afectivo, ese hombre que a veces parece irradiar algo por mí... es el mismo que me destruyó, el mismo que puede estar disfrazado de ternura y mantener oculto el puñal...


Es la primera noche desde que lo conozco que Don Fernando tiene libertad, es la primera vez que está libre de las ataduras de Doña Marcia... Imagino que habrá llegado a su apartamento, o a lo mejor está... con ella [Carla], sin afán, sin miedo, disfrutando su libertad, reorganizando su vida, planeando su futuro y desde luego yo no estoy allí y no lo estaré...
Anoche apenas dormí unas horas, no puedo seguir mi vida así, yo tenía claro que si regresaba a Conceptos sería muy duro para mi ver la relación de Doña Marcia y Don Fernando, pero me tranquilizaba saber que ya estaba acostumbrada a eso... pero hoy tengo una certeza, no soportaría ver a Don Fernando rehacer su vida con otra mujer, sería demasiado doloroso para mí, si eso pasa, tendré que irme de Conceptos...Solo espero que cuando él me vea, siga sintiendo que soy la mujer de sus sueños...
12th-Apr-2007 05:56 pm - dress for my auntie's wedding



i don't why but my mom doesn't like this dress but i LOVE it!!!

whenever i see this dress, it reminds me of that evanescence song "Lithium" so I'll put it up.

Advertisement

Customize
This page was loaded Nov 8th 2009, 4:51 pm GMT.